I have been fighting a severe anxiety condition for most of my adult life. While I am finally on the road to recovery, this illness has stolen many years of my life. Fifteen years ago, I was working in retail, living independently and supporting myself financially. At 25 the symptoms of my anxiety disorder became uncontrollable and more severe, to the point where I was initially connected to the mental health system. I felt as if things quickly spiralled out of control, putting me in a place where I had isolated myself from others and struggled with agoraphobia, depression and thoughts of suicide. 

For many years I tried numerous kinds of therapies and medications with the support of my psychiatrist. I recognized that I myself would be required to make a strong effort if I wanted to get my life back. I also quickly recognized that I had fallen into a system that had little outreach support and limited to no opportunities to help me regain the confidence and strength required to live my life. The stress and anxiety associated with leaving my house and going to new environments prevented me from accessing potential supports. No one from the hospital could come out to see me and I was told that my choice was to either come to them to get help or they could not help me.  The addition of many medications with side effects that often made my mind less than clear further debilitated my ability to fully participate in and benefit from those supports when and if I finally did manage to access them. 

The most debilitating aspect of my condition was the anxiety related restriction of my ability to function away from the safety and familiarity of my apartment. Tasks as simple as crossing the street and making eye contact with people were near impossible for me. In the early days, if it weren’t for the Canadian Mental Health Association and their Building Bridges Program (Marg Murray), I would never have made all the wonderful strides that have brought me to where I am today. They are still my strongest advocate and partner through their unselfish compassion and true care for people living with Mental Illness.

My psychiatrist and I worked tirelessly for many years and felt we had exhausted all possibilities to help me continue to move forward.  Despite the strong support of the Mental Health Association and support from a local charitable group, the level of support proved to be insufficient.

The "system" to deal with my illness has fundamental faults and it has in many ways contributed to me remaining sick and desperate for so many years. I suffered at home because there was no one in the formal system to come to where I was imprisoned; my own apartment. It was only recently that I was connected to supports through the formal health care system. I have been up against an awful lot trying to navigate and utilize what was available to me within the system and accessing these supports has been so fragmented and frustrating. The "one shoe fits all" strategy that is observably prevalent in our mental health care system is simply not efficient or effective. 

I battled year after year for everything I have accomplished. I volunteered, I pushed boundaries, I pioneered and I did my best at all I took on, graduating with high honours from both GED and a post-secondary program. I’ve advocated for services that I feel would help me and have been essentially “shot down” on alternatives to medications – alternatives that are often not only more cost effective but proven to work for me (e.g. exposure therapy). At this point in my recovery I feel that some further therapy with a psychologist would be of benefit, only to have been turned away numerous times as it is “not covered”.  Furthermore, and perhaps the most disheartening, has been “policy changes” and unexpected discontinuation of funding through Community Services. I would love nothing more than to pull myself out of poverty and be independent. That’s the motivation behind so many things I’ve conquered. But the time, energy and expenses that have gone into this process both on my part and on the part of numerous supports and organizations I’ve had to involve has been far less cost effective for a system that is already burdened by too little time, money and resources.

I have gone from the depths of despair to now looking forward to the bright future I know I have ahead of me. However, getting to this point has been a constant struggle and at times, the system that is supposed to support myself and other individuals living with a mental illness, has been more detrimental to me than the illness itself. The stress and anxiety of dealing with various agencies within the “system”, which in principle is supposed to support me in my recovery, is in practice, fundamentally discouraging my efforts and ability to live a full and productive life. The prevalence of mental illness alone warrants a need for a strategy that can not only meet the needs of the individuals who require support but also meet the needs of Nova Scotia as a whole.  

I have experienced first hand how this “system” has attempted to make me fit within their policies and practices and hope that sharing this story with you can demonstrate just how inflexible and ineffective our system is. We need to better recognize the importance of providing clients like myself with more creative alternatives that can support us in our recovery, which will benefit not only the clients but also the system itself. It is my hope that by sharing my story I can support the plan for a mental health strategy as well as help make a difference for other people living with mental illness.

Sher from Halifax